The scene was what you would expect-loud...screaming people shouting over the way too loud PA speakers, lines for everything, even the face painting. I mean the line for face painting was about forty-five minutes! No way we were going to get our faces painted tonight. Bella and Kayla were given a few tickets each (no cash, tickets for everything) and asked if they could walk around.
That's when it first dawned on me, we were in her element. Watching, from a distance, Kayla was saying hello to friends she hasn't seen in a while, with Bella acting as memory helper and kind of hanging back and letting everything happen. As time passed she and Kayla would routinely stop by for some more tickets and then they would wonder around like they were at an exclusive cocktail party. Not wanting to spend all there time with one friend or group they continued with their polite hellos and then kindly move on. Abby and I were just watching and smiling.
Towards the end of the night as we made our way to the exit, with one quick stop at the bake sale table we enjoyed some cookies. Walking back to the car, Kayla and Bella were talking and talking and talking. Somehow I knew this wasn't going to be the end of their night. When we pulled in front of Kayla's house to drop her off, Abby and the girls got out and I waited. And sure enough out come Abby and Bella asking if she could spend the night? Still sitting in the truck I play the Dad role and ask "are you sure it's okay?" Bella just leans her chin on my are and looks up and says "pleeeease". I asked Abby if she was going to come back and drop off clothes, and she said Bella could were Kayla's, and they were just going to hang out and then go swimming tomorrow. Then I asked the always important question, "what about Snuggy?"
Snuggy is her best buddy, a small white (was white) teddy bear that she had everywhere. She would take on her trips back East to visit the Grand parents, to trips to see Aunt Chrissy-everywhere. When she would go on the plane, Snuggy would have to be in her carry-on with his head sticking out (so he could breathe). Abby would have to wash it every so often because it would get all grungy and matted down looking. And to try and get some of the fluff back in his "skin", the fluff however was long gone. Snuggy was it.
Bella, still with her chin on my arm, said " na, that's okay."
My heart sank, this is the exact moment that she grew a little. She didn't need Snuggy. My little Peanut was growing every day and this was a milestone. I said okay, gave her a kiss and waited for Abby to come back out. As I sat there I tried to hold back the tears. Most milestones in a child's growth are celebrated-starting to crawl, sleeping through the night, walking, riding a bike, swimming, they are all great and as parents we couldn't be prouder, happier or more supportive. But this, this was hurting me. I didn't want her to grow this fast. I knew it was going to happen, but I'm not ready. I want her to need Snuggy a little while longer. I needed her to need Snuggy longer.
As Abby was getting in the car I was hoping that she would say she will be bringing Snuggy back, but she didn't. She only noticed my silence and asked if everything was okay? I couldn't even talk, all I could say was Bella. We drove the rest of the way home in silence.
As with all of Bella's milestones, she reached them when she was ready. Not me, not Abby, not anyone. And now she was ready for this...on her terms. I will always be proud and happy and supportive for this and all her future milestones.
But this one still hurts...
